Bored in Leith

So Many Times

2007-03-28T03:08:00.000+01:00

Well hello..
Have beed a tad quiet of late on the blogging front. There have been many changes in my life since I last blogged. Most of which I don't think I should be writing about on here. Which poses the question, what exactly can I write about? So I bid you farewell. I think Bored in Leith has had it's day. Thank you for reading, It's been fun for me. I will start another blog no doubt, but the title and it's contents will be very different. Know that I am happy, optomistic, and far from bored.

Love Sarah.

x

My Little Brother on Big Brothers Little Brother.

2007-01-25T21:30:00.000Z

Yep, he's the naked one.

Hawaiian Shirt Day

2007-01-19T00:34:00.000Z

Tomorrow at work we have been asked if we can all wear a scarf for fun. Not even a Hawaiian shirt. No we laugh in the face of a Hawaiian Shirt. A scarf. Because thats the kind of crazy people we are.

I have this film on DVD if you want to borrow it.

Writers Blog

2007-01-11T00:50:00.000Z

Happy New Year to you.
I'm sorry guys, I seem to have lost all interest in this thing. I will get back on it sometime. Its just that at the moment I feel i have nothing much to tell you. As soon as something interesting or annoying happens ill be sure to let you know. Meantime why dont you lot tell me something interesting or annoying instead?

Laughing Gas

2006-11-19T22:41:00.000Z

I was at my works official Christmas Party last night. I didn't want to go. I'm not good at these things. What I didn't realise till I got inside is that this is the high point in most peoples social calendar, and that a lot of effort had gone into each and every outfit. It was obvious that the women had been to the hairdressers to get strange things done to their hair, and spent a fortune on their dress. Unfortunately they all looked like shit.

The entertainment came in the form of "C.J. the D.J." and a cover band. I felt the need to make my own entertainment if I was going to last till 1am so I pulled the helium balloons off our table, pierced a hole in them, inhaled as much as I could and sang along to "daydream believer" . Then I had the whole table doing it, then we stole balloons from other tables. That continued for 3 or 4 numbers. It only has a comedy value of about 1 and a half numbers.

In true buffet style, the food looked nice but wasn't. I found myself breaking up bits of quiche and throwing them at people round the table and looking the other way. I was throwing bits of pakora, aiming for Kats cleavage when C.J. the D.J. announced that the buses were waiting outside to take us to town. The bus was full of arseholes singing hibees anthems. The bus driver was pretty unamused at this and kept pulling over until they shut up, only for them to start again singing "the driver of the bus is a jambo".
So a great time was had by all. Can hardly wait till the next one.

Hey Hey We're the Monkee's

2006-10-24T18:56:00.000+01:00

I think I was actually a gypsy in a previous life. In this life, I find it hard to settle and I often dream of living somewhere else, only to then move on again.

You know how people talk about how they would spend the money if they won the lottery? Sure I would start with seeing our families were ok, but then, I want to buy a street. Probably in Glasgow. Well perhaps not a street, but 4 or 5 houses in a row. Nice big tenemant houses like the ones you get in the West End. I would then give my friends a house each, and we could knock down the walls in all the back gardens and have one huge garden. It would then be a little community, where we could share our lives.

I would also buy a place in the country somewhere idylic, with a view of the sea. The house would have a huge kitchen with an aga, a belfast sink and a stone floor. I would be dressed in an old knitted cardi with holes making pasta for the masses. I would then pop over to the barn next to the house which has been converted into a studio. In it would be Alan making a new album with his friends. They would let me hear what they had done for the day and I would smile and tell them to take a break and get their dinner. After a few weeks the album would be finished and Alan and I can book a holiday, as my toy shops practically run themselves.

I am often told that I am a dreamer, and that I need to get realistic. I disagree. I think our dreams are what get us out of bed in the morning.

I have a toy car on my desk. It's a mini cooper. I know someone who has always dreamt of owning one, but felt that it would be selfish and unpractical to get one. It's on my desk to remind me that your dreams are closer than you think and that you can get what you want if you believe it can happen. Today I do.

So now lets hear your dreams, however unrealistic they may be .

Google's Relevant Images

2006-09-30T16:21:00.000+01:00

So I am on google images, looking for pictures to go with a post I am thinking of doing.

Firstly I look for images for "Headache". (WARNING! Don't Click if you are eating.)

Then I search for "yuk".(WARNING! You probably just shouldn't click this one atall really.)

Then I forget what the hell the post I was going to do was about in the first place and go to the shops.

You Tube

2006-09-30T15:45:00.000+01:00

That's my man that is.

He doesn't remember where this was taken and only stumbled on it this morning while looking for Fabulous Thunderbirds clips. He was quite chuffed.

Bless.

Pacey's Pond

2006-09-09T15:48:00.000+01:00

I have been tidying up my music and video files on my computer today, and put everything in appropriate folders. I then chose a picture for each folder so its quicker on the eye to find. I was putting all my dawson's crack ones together( oh leave me alone aren't I allowed to like one uncool thing?) and realised I now had a great excuse to go to google images and search for a good Pacey pic.
And........ oh...... my........ god!
He is ridiculously good looking isn't he?
I named the folder Pacey's Pond.
No one liked Dawson.

Yeast Infection

2006-09-07T23:50:00.000+01:00

Last night I thought I was going to die.
Really.
I woke up to find I had an unbearable pain in my chest, and pins and needles down my arm. I couldn't breath properly. It was 4am in the morning. I cried and swore till I woke up Alan, who quickly ran through a checklist in his head.

What is wrong with her?
Is she having a heart attack?
No she is 30.
Where have I seen this behaviour before?
When she drank a real ale.
She is allergic to yeast.
What did she eat before bed?
Half a slab of brie on ryvita with mango chutney.
What's in brie?
Yeast. And Mould.
Why would anyone eat brie?

She has wind.
She thinks she's dying though.

Meantime, I'm still contorting myself into weird shapes, crying, panting, swearing and wailing. Alan got me to get out of bed and walk around, force fed me hot drinks and gave me a hot water bottle. The tea made the pain go away gradually, and after an hour or so I decided quietly that I might not be dying after all. I slinked back to the bedroom, got back in bed, and slept soundly till the morning.

Leaving Alan in the living room, wide awake.

How May I help You Today?

2006-09-07T21:45:00.000+01:00

So as you know, I had to get a new job, again.

That's me on the left there, regaining my composure for the camera, having moments beforehand stabbed that wanker behind me in the leg with my pen.

I am nearing the end of my first week of "training", there is another 3 weeks of training/pointless quizzes and enforced team bonding sessions to go.

The weird thing is, so far, I don't hate it. There are are way too many similarities to school for my liking, such as scary cliquey girls, a shite canteen and teachers, but in the pro column is good pay, bareable shift patterns and less responsibility.

Will I be there in 3 years? Unlikely. But then that's what I said about the Science Centre.

Magenta Cocks

2006-08-26T14:48:00.000+01:00

This morning, I got into work only to be told I am no longer required as they are having some financial difficulties and have been advised to lay me off. My boss was very apologetic and explained that the retail industry is going through a rough time at the moment.
This is all bollocks of course.
I didn't fit in, they didn't like me, I was still on my probation period, they got rid.
So its only been 5 weeks and already I am back to where i started.

Oh well, as Frank says,

Anyone fancy a pint?

Broke in Leith

2006-08-20T13:41:00.000+01:00

Well I am having a pretty shit time of it just now. I am always skint, but my skintness has reached an all time low. Our heads aren't above water, they are 3000ft below sea level, and my feet are stuck in sludge. Between us, Alan and I have three jobs, but are living on toast.

The fact that I now work in a particularly affluent area of Edinburgh only highlights this more. The ladies of leisure I meet reek of money. They shop in Waitrose and have handbags that cost the equivalent to three months of my salary. When I go to the cashline at lunchtime, there is always a woman in front, taking out a massive wad, no doubt to buy more ridiculously priced organic vegetables and a couple of bottles of wine from Peckhams. I don't hate these people, don't get me wrong, I am just sort of confused. I mean what is the score George Doors?

I know that most of my friends are struggling away too, with the daily challenge of how to make dinner for under £1 but I just don't get why. We are nearly middle aged. Why is it such a struggle for us and a picnic set from Harvey Nicks for everyone else? This wasn't in the brochure. Life does indeed suck.

But I do like a challenge.

You know those maths puzzles they gave you at school? A bit like this?

Tamara has a dozen organic apples.
If she gives her neighbours, the Castletons, 6 apples
Will they invite her to their masquerade ball?

It should have been more realistic

Sarah Has £8.68 to last her until Friday.
It costs £2.30 a day to get to work and its only Monday.
She needs toilet roll (0.99p)
Cat Food (0.29p x 3 per day)
Milk 0.99p
And fags £2.70 per day
There are still cuppa soups and some ready meals from last year in the freezer that she hates, but bread would be nice. (0.24p)in LIDL.

How can Sarah last till Friday without selling:-

a) everything she owns on ebay
b) drugs
c) herself?

P in the Dark

2006-07-07T00:35:00.000+01:00

Bored in Leith will now be Entertained in Balado. I am just taking a break from packing to say that I am very chuffed and can't wait to chill out and get quietly pished in the sun. Again.

Suit Jackets and sensible shoes

2006-06-22T00:08:00.000+01:00

So I am jobless.
The shop wasn't making enough to pay my wages, and I had to go. I can't decide if I am relieved or miserable. Miserable is always easier. I could just get under the duvet, sleep for 15 hrs a day and start to smell. Fact is, I don't have that luxury. I also believe that it was the right time for this to happen. My job wasn't exactly taxing, and the money wasn't great. It was a pleasant and cushy job, but a boring one. I needed a kick up the arse to do something about it, and here it is.

I'm back in the world of interviews for jobs I will hate, faking a big grin and a warm personality. I'm raking out my smart employable clothing and trawling job sites and shopping center's for vacancies. The bugger is that I haven't been off for nearly a year, but I can't just relax and enjoy it because not having a job freaks me right out. Similar to pulling a sickie. I always found when I did that my day off was spent feeling slightly guilty about not being at work.*

Today is the end of my first day of unemployment, and hopefully I wont have too many more.

I just need to say thank you to Alan. Alan was my boss in Angelic, about 7 years ago, and we have always stayed in touch. He now has his own shop, Cloud 9 and its really taking off for him. Ten minutes after I had told him of my misery, he came and picked me up, and drove me round suitable areas in Edinburgh for a shop of my own. We went back to his for a cuppa, where his partner Gary threw ideas and info on funding and advice at me, and I have an appointment with Business Gateway tomorrow at 2pm. He knows that I have always wanted my own shop, and he is proof that it is achievable. So I still need a job, but meantime ill get the ball rolling for a place of my own. Why the hell not. So thank you both of you. You came and did that just when I needed it. And gave me a confidence boost to boot.

"Sadie, you could sell sand to Arabs luv" were his exact words.

* To any future employees, please note that I haven't actually ever had a sickie. Well not for about a year. And I am very reliable, but time is not my friend. Thank you.

Bungles Twanger

2006-06-18T01:57:00.000+01:00

Thunderpaw sent me a link to this. Had seen it before, but forgot how class it was.

Rabid Riddlers

2006-06-12T00:51:00.000+01:00

There is a conspiracy going on here. And I don't like it. Let me explain the turn of events to see if you agree.

1.Every night, I take my pill before bed. Last week I go to take one as usual and notice that I am near the end of my packet. I look in my drawer where I keep the six month supply, and discover that it must be six months since I got them as they are gone. In the morning I wake up extra early to call the doctors, who arrange a repeat prescription.

2. The same morning, I get to the bathroom, realise I feel a bit off, have explosive diarrhea, and have to stretch over and grab the mop bucket to be sick at the same time. That lasts for 2 days. I later discovered it was a bug that lots of the cast at the show got as well.

3. Once the bug had subsided, I pick up my prescription, and head off to the chemist. I wait for ages whilst the pharmacists talk amongst themselves, stroke chins, and look through charts and books. Then they tell me that the pill I have been on for the last 2 years, Microval, has been taken off the market, and that I will have to go back to the Doctors to get a different prescription. I go right away, and see the doctor who recommends Noriday. (I love the name, No ri Day or remora). The Doctor reminds me that as I am on a new pill, I am unprotected for 7 days.

4.Three days into the new pill, and I get toothache. The kind of toothache that hurts with hot and cold things. Which in my experience, means an abscess. Which means antibiotics. (I haven't actually been to the dentist yet. Real fear and lack of money is putting me off. So if any one can recommend a nice and painless one in edinburgh please do!)

Do you see where I am going here?

Well I tell you, o big finger waving being from above with superior power and a GSOH, you are not catching me out. You hear?
Yes, it is true that I am probably the healthiest I have been in a long time.
And its summer, and summer = randy-ness, and you have tried to get me on every angle,

But I really don't want a riddler.

Yet.

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder...

Remember This?

2006-05-29T23:51:00.000+01:00

Quality Entertainment. I can't get past 12. Obviously thats because my mouse keeps jamming...

Fraser

2006-05-26T23:18:00.000+01:00

I Love this man.

Why? Do I hear you cry?

Is it his rugged good looks? No
His cute wee hat? No, although I am partial to a man in a hat.
Is it because he is a Super-Flexer? Could come in handy but no.

I Love this man because today he gave me two tickets for Indian Summer.
His name is Fraser and he is a DJ for the fine station that is Xfm Scotland.

Thank you Fraser for picking me as the winner. I do apologise for rambling on air for all the world to hear, but my 30 seconds of fame were pretty nerve wracking! I had just been reading about that festival and thought how nice it would be to have more money and be able to just buy tickets for things on a whim.

As they say in the weege, Ya Wee Belter!

Car Crash T.V.

2006-05-21T16:20:00.000+01:00

So I said I wouldn't watch it this year, but last night I'm glad I did. Day 1 and already one of the freaks well, freaks. Over the lack thereof of the above. If you are too cool to watch BB, get over yourself and catch it again here. She is Clip of the Day, but I imagine she will be clip of the year. There is a small coincidence here though. I was talking to Lorraine yesterday about how good I am and that this is week four of my healthy eating and I'm drinking lots of water. (I had a relapse last night, a kebab and a box of Quality Street.) She informed me that tap water is infact better than bottled water as bottled could be on the shelf for years. Makes sense, but then she told me that tap water although filtered can still contain traces of other peoples medication, such as the pill and antidepressants. Not that either of those getting into my blood stream would be a bad thing but what about everything else? Ritalin, Diocalm, Methedone, Betablockers?

So the BB freak was right. Oh my god!

I NEED A WATER FILTER!

I MAY DIE! AND ITS YOU LOT MAKING ME CRY!

I HATE THIS!

I'm away to Argos.

Myspace or Yours?

2006-05-20T22:30:00.000+01:00

I have a new obsession.
Not sure how long this one will last.
I've been told it is 100% "gay" to have your own Myspace.

Don't care.
Tom Jones is my friend and Joe Tex left me a comment.
So there.

Later, Jools

2006-05-20T13:25:00.000+01:00

So Jools Holland is back on. Thats good eh? Not because I like Jools, but because it is pretty much the only decent music programme on the box. When I switched on I got Gnarls. That was pretty good, well the wee blokie was good. would quite like to cuddle him. He's got a teddy bear thing going on. Then came snow patrol. For the love of god what is that all about. Firstly the music was pretty dull. But more annoying was the very strange body movements of the lead singer. He was dressed in a sort of school uniform, but his body was all contorted and shaky. He looked like a 12 yr old waiting to be told he could go for a pee. I guess he was just getting lost in the music. Wank.
But, not to be upstaged, they finish with these art school tossers, Franz Ferdinand. As you may know, I saw them last year and left incredibly irritated by their smug faces and lack of respect for musical equipment and cameramen. Not to mention the repetitive nature of their material. Just looking at that picture makes me want to slap the screen. So they start their number, and one of them runs up to the drummer and starts thrashing away at the cymbals. Then other, then another, till they are all jumping up and down hitting the kit. Grrrrrr. it was just so...naff. Unnecessary. Wank like. I sooooo hate them. And i sooo didn't want to. I like to support Scottish bands but I just can't do it with them. What say you?

Goodnight America, wherever you are.

2006-05-20T13:04:00.000+01:00

Wish they would bring this show back. Jack 'Nighthawk' Killian or Gary cole was pretty sexy. Can we start a petition or something?
Got to be comedy value in it for us too. Not sure it would have aged too well. Would be a better choice of re run than bloody Diagnosis: Murder or Quincy. Don't cha think?

S.O.S.

2006-05-05T04:22:00.000+01:00

Its 4.23 am. I'm just in the door. Espionage. Tis bad. Gotta be up in 5hrs. There has been lotsa butt feeling. I nearly won £500 in Frankensteins. Didn't pick the right key for the safe. Bugger eh? Settled for more wine. I don't drink wine, normally. Now I'm mortal. But never mind cos apparently I'm "kinda gorgeous". Kinda eh?
Someone help me. Its not healthy.
For me to feel this way.
Y.O.U. are making this hard.
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night.
Lala lala lala lala Ohhh

Chippy Birds

2006-04-08T00:29:00.000+01:00

Right its rant time.
These 3 birds are really annoying me.

The first one, Colleen, who keeps getting awards for things like best dressed female. She also has come 92nd in the top 100 most beautiful women of All Time. All Time? The woman is a complete ned. And her voice is like nails down a blackboard. But more importantly, what does she actually do?

Then theres Kerry something. And according to the latest Heat Magazine she's skint. Am i to feel sorry for her? But how can she be skint? Her and her boobs are in every magazine on every shelf in every newsagent. Her skint and my skint are probably very different. Like I shop at LIDL and shes gone to Iceland.

And as for Victoria, I'm not even going to comment. There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said already.

I like Alans theory. He says there are far too many "Celebrities" out there who just don't deserve the fame, and who just dont have anything special in the looks department atall. Its called the Chippy Bird Test. If you can imagine them behind the counter, wrapping your chips, then obviously yes, they are actually dogs.

Can you see Audrey Hepburn serving a roll and fritter? No. Exactly.
Colleen, hair up in a scrunchie, Argos earings, asking "Is that everythin?" Yip.
Kerry wiping her greasy hands on her apron to get a good grip on the pickled egg jar? Yip.
"Aye Thats right Salt and Sauce. Cheers Posh".

Holy Pantolys!!!

2006-04-07T21:24:00.000+01:00

Guess What everyone!
Jodi has a blog.
Hurrah!
Mark it in your favourites.

The Picture will become clear if you click on this link.

Magenta Fairy Cakes

2006-03-26T00:48:00.000Z

So, 16th of March was my 30th birthday. I knew something was happening, but I just didn't quite know what. Alan and me made our way through to weegie land, and he treated me to a trolley dash in Primark.

Oh Primark how I love thee so,
Distance makes my longing grow.
Please get here soon I need you near,
So I can purchase great cheap gear.

Sorry, where was I?
We got booked in to the hotel, a birthday treat from my Dad and Kim, I ran a bath and awaited further instructions.

Got a call to meet in Strata at 7.30pm, so I got there and no one was there. Ordered a pint, drank the pint, got bored. I asked Alan what was happening, he just laughed, so I looked out the window. A lot. Got a bit stroppy. Had another pint. Texted Lorraine, no reply. Frustrated now, I picked out a a cocktail from the menu. Shakers and crushed ice were flung around behind the bar, it arrived, and it was fantastic. I was on my third sip when Alan's mobile went.

"Right we need to go now" he said.
"Ehm this cocktail was £6, I'll go in a minute!" was my reply.
I decide to tank it anyway, as by now my need to know what was happening was greater.

I get walked towards the polo lounge. A very nice but very gay club. Then I work out I'm being led to the old 13th note, now called Bachus. Thank Christ! I think. We get inside, and there is no one there again. Dirty Paul appears. Knicker Swapper appears, asking me to come downstairs. Get to the bottom and there is a poster on the door, as pictured here. Behind that door was pretty much everyone.
It was a surprise and I was overwhelmed. Too many faces to take in at once. Then my mum appeared. That was a really big surprise as she lives in Devon, and I really had no idea. Then both my brothers. Another big deal as I never get to see them together. Then people take turns to greet me with lovely cards and pressies and daft hats. Then my Dad and Kim arrive with Rochelle and Ryan, having lied on the phone about their whereabouts an hour earlier to me, and the whole time I'm thinking, Jodi did all this. How nice is that? I had a cheesy D.J. and a buffet and everything. The buffet even had magenta fairy cakes. AND she never once let anything slip beforehand.

Then I got a really great present form Jodi. She had looked up my wishlist on myspace, and presented me with pictures of everything I wish for, ranging from a llama to a villa inTuscany. I also got a letter from Robbie reminding me of my date in September.

Then it was time to get pissed and dance a lot and have a laugh. Which we pretty much all did.

Dawn made Simona laugh alot, Russell fell for Dawn, David pimped about, Furnish growled at Ted, Ted remained aloof, Kelly felt my arse, Cain wore a suit, Rochelle crashed fags, Steven danced with Jim, Jim danced with Gary, The buffet got scoffed, The bar took £600+, The DJ played Peter Andre, my balloons all got burst, Bye byes were made, taxis were hailed, to Jodi's.

We then drank some more till 5am, including Buckfast. It was in my 100 things to do before you are 30 list anyway. We then got a taxi back to the hotel. I lay down and fell asleep instantly, and woke up to Alan saying, "that's ten to 10, we' ll miss breakfast!". We didn't. We ate, we checked out and got the train to his mum and dads.

Cue the worst hangover I have ever had. But it was worth it. Thank you to all who came for a lovely night, and fab cards and presents. I will always remember turning 30, but now ill remember it more fondly. Jodi you did me proud girl, and ill get you in 2009. Mwahh. Burlesque indeed.

The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets

2006-03-06T22:17:00.000Z

It's my Birthday soon.
Actually it's my 30th birthday soon.
And something is going down. Lots of "get out the room a minute?" and "what thing where? I don't know what you mean?" comments.
I've tried fishing for hints. I don't get anywhere. My friends are remaining tight lipped. Alan mentioned the disappointment of Ronald being fully booked, and therefore unable to make an appearance, but that's about it. This is all mainly Jodi's doing. I had no idea she could be so sneaky. I'll just have to be patient.
Thing is,

I'm not so great with patience.

I like knowing stuff.

This is killing me.

I may actually die.

March 20th

2006-02-26T00:46:00.000Z

Google "March 20th".
One for the diaries ladies, or one for the men never to know about.

William Shatners Toupee

2006-02-26T00:40:00.000Z

You know how people send you stuff thats funny and it usually isn't? I really really liked this

Talking of Remote Controls...

2006-02-20T03:06:00.000Z

It is a sad day. My friend got run over. A freak accident outside my house. I was running across the road for the bus when he fell out my pocket. I tried to go back, but it was too late.
I carried him around for almost 3 years. Others continually mocked him and I had to fight his corner. Cheap jibes such as
"that's the biggest phone in the world!" and
"Sarah why have you got the TV remote out with you in the pub?" or
"Does that double as a life raft?" and
"that actually is a brick isn't it?"

Looks aren't everything, and he was always reliable. It feels wrong to replace him with a shiny new small thing. It's not what he would have wanted.

Garys Arse

2006-02-18T22:40:00.000Z

This is when you discover you drank a little to much the night before and passed out on the sofa.

Shout

2006-02-11T23:52:00.000Z

This week, I have been mostly using Cillit Bang. This was the first time I had used the product and I was somewhat excited to find out if i would see AMAZING results. I quickly realised that this cleaner was infact no different to any other product I would normally purchase, such as my long term favourite, Mr Muscle Orange.

I decided that since the TV never lies, I was perhaps not using Cillit Bang properly. I ran the advert through in my head, and then it came to me.

"HI! MY NAME IS SARAH AND THIS IS CILLIT BANG!" I shouted, alone, facing the cooker. Three squirts and 30 seconds later, AMAZING results, GLEAMING cooker.

Harry Potter

2006-02-11T23:37:00.000Z

Harry Potter is absolute shite. He has a face that wants slapped.

Discuss.

Big Brothers

2006-02-10T01:33:00.000Z

So, last weekend I had a very interesting time at the Big brother auditions, with my little brother, Steven. Many weirdos, many "Jodie Marsh is my role model" birds but also many genuinely nice people who most likely don't stand a chance. It was Steven who wanted to audition, I just tagged along. He got very far, but not far enough. It made me think how much older he is getting and responsible and sociable and a cool guy to know. And then...

I thought I would look and see how my other little brother, Dan is getting on. I took a look at the site for his band, Malt Elixer and my god is he growing up. Favorite hobby? Dan - (Fcukin?). Excuse me?(Insert shocked Big Sister face here) Scary stuff eh? He still looks like a wee boy in a very big mans body though.

All this leads to one thing, if they are getting older.........

Yip I'm 30 in just over a month. Sob.

The Informers

2006-02-07T23:44:00.000Z

I have been busy working on a blog for Alans new Band
The Informers.
Please check it out and marvel at my never ending talents.
And if you want to book them that would be even better.

Happy Birthday Bored!

2006-02-07T23:39:00.000Z

My blog is 1 year old today. Bless. I have only done 52 posts in a year.

That averages about one a week.

That means I have to do 7 times more what I do at the moment.

Not promising anything.

Heres what I wrote one year ago today. Depressingly, not alot has changed.

Bin a while....

2005-11-30T21:30:00.000Z

Hello,

I dunno what to write, I'm outta practice!
Had a wacky few weeks there, alans dad was very ill and everything went on hold for a while. He's doing great now though and there is talk of him getting out of hospital very soon.

I've got not hellish much else to tell you guys. I'm working in a wee hut in Princess Street Gardens. Its cold and requires a large bladder as I'm there on ma tod. All day.
I like to imagine I'm in Eastenders selling "Bling" and that Martin will pass by and take over me "Stawl" till I get a bacon roll in the caf and a quickie with Grant Mitchell but it never seems to happen.

What else?? Ehh ehh...
It's Jodis birthday today, shes still much younger than me, and we are going out on Friday to get her a bloke. Any bloke, as long as he's passable in the dark and can speak in sentences. Not that Jodi doesn't deserve and can easily get much better, just that I sense the urgency now and I reckon she's been eyeing up the spin cycle on her indesit.

That ll do ya, I'm cold in here and I want a bath before Lost.

oh yeah.. re the Monday night pub revelation.....

Jim and Carol certainly know how to spend a fiver.

and the mon night chat...

Do all you bastart guys cheat or what?

Halloween is approaching....

2005-10-10T13:35:00.000+01:00

This post is simple.
What should I wear?
I'm in training as we speak, hopefully shed a bit before the 31st.

Wonder Woman, Jessica Rabbit or Palmer Girl?

Down boys.....

Danger W**k

2005-10-06T14:43:00.000+01:00

So I was saying to the Jodster the other day,
I think I might try going on a sunbed. In my day it was the toastie machine jobs and nothing else. I hated them. Now they have these ones on the left, cubicle things, that you stand in.
"I think I could handle that yeah!" I said
"And they play music, so if you dance around you can get every where done. " said the Jodster
"Great! Music too?" I said.

With that I told knicker swapper of my new foundings.
"You do know that guys wank in cubicle ones?" she said.

"Whatt???.......... Why??????" I said
Then I thought about it, and looked at the situation from a blokes perspective.
You're alone, your naked, you have 10 mins to kill...

Back to the old fake tan it is.

Look at ma girlies!

2005-10-06T14:18:00.000+01:00

Aww bless em, This is Lauren and Christine who worked with me in St Enoch. They made me laugh and kept me going through 80hr weeks and very little reward. There was 5 of us girlies in total, and me. My boss Roy must have had a brain transplant the day he hired them all. They were all great. Oh except the one who said she was going to get air and never returned, but that was a good thing!

I met them on Friday in the worst club known to man, Wigwam, aka Reds.

These two are dancers and it's always a pleasure to watch them do their stuff on the dancefloor whilst every bloke there has the same stunned expression on the face. A sort of cross between "am i dead cos this is heaven?" and "can i get arrested for watching this?

Heres to ya, keep smiling, stop drinking blue stuff and NEVER get a proper job x

Age of Aquarius

2005-10-06T13:46:00.000+01:00

I have six days left in my old job before I head for shinier sparklier new shores. I think I have made the right move, I hope I have made the right move. I will miss the boys and their banter.
I work alone in my new job but I can listen to great music all day and play around with pretty things. I'm good at that. It also gives me a great excuse to buy clothes, as I think in order to sell there I need to look good. If not good, girlie. Keep my nails good and do my hair in the mornings. I get to wear anything I like, no more black and I get to "model" (I use the term loosely) the jewellery in the hope of selling it. I actually sold every item of jewellery I had on last weekend.

Just wish I had a break in between jobs, a wee holiday would have been good. Cant have it all though. Still, I'm looking forward to it. Change is as good as a rest. And I will stop looking like I have opened my eyes, panicked about the time, thrown clothes on and ran out the door, which I invariably have.

All that is Left is Lost

2005-09-16T22:36:00.000+01:00

So I have just seen a bit of the Friday Night Easties, and decided that yes definitely the script writers have just lost all enthusiasm for their job.

If you found out your husband shagged your sister, would you
a) stab him in the bawbags
b) give him a cuddle and forgive him
c) forgive him and have a quick shag on the kitchen table whilst said sister is upstairs.

Also what made Shane I mean Alfie so damn irresistible anyhow?
The man owns one coat, 3 shirts( circa 1989 Simple Minds-esque) and some shitey "Stawl" that sells stuff cancer research would knock back.
I think. Don't actually watch it that much as
a) its pish and
b) I don't really need to as the plots are the same for weeks.

And Alfie MUST have known little, irritating, slappable Mo wouldn't put out for him. Maybe he just needed his 3 shirts ironed.
Trevor has the right idea

I do kind of like Cat though, I don't think she can be blamed entirely for the piss poor plot lines and "when I wis litiwl and raped by me unkle me dad didn't know then took me baiybee zowee" history.

Easties demise started when Barry "fell" off the cliff. Or maybe even before. This annoys me as it is the only soap I kinda watch and if I give up on Easties as well, all that is left is Lost.

Dreams can come true....

2005-09-14T09:29:00.000+01:00

I met huey last night.
I met Huey last night.
Last night I met Huey
Huey i met last night

Doesn't matter what way I say it, I still can't fu**ing believe it.

Angel at my Table

2005-09-11T23:10:00.000+01:00

I've had a weird day. I can't really share with the world why it was weird, so just accept that it was. Celestine prophecies weird, coincidences, cause and effect, messages from "angels", type day. They say things come in threes. I got my 3 in 1 day.
I also managed to lose my jacket somewhere between the waverly steps and the bus stop on the bridges. It was hanging over my bag and must have fallen off. Ying and Yang eh? I was more bothered about losing my pin that was on it. It was only 50p but I liked it and won't be able to replace it. Ha ha reminds me of when Carrie lost her chippy bird necklace in Paris.
Anyway, less pressing matters,

Was out in Glasgow on Saturday, had a fun evening, even though my "husband" went off with another woman and got knicker swapper to pass on the goodnight kiss on his behalf. Divorce is in the post. Unless you take me to Chicago.
I danced for a lot of the evening, which is pretty unusual, but I was in fury's and I quite enjoy taking the Michael there. Start the lawnmower, put on your seatbelt, put the towels in the cupboard type stuff. And lots of throwing my hands in the air and pogoing. Had a killer headache this morning. Stella. Tis Bad.

and finally,

Shane McGowan, Shaun Ryder, or Ozzy Osbourne?

The Magnets

2005-08-28T00:40:00.000+01:00

I am just back from seeing The magnets. My Dad had seen them previously and he promised me that they were not to be missed. He wasn't too far wrong.

I thought the weirdest thing I had seen at the Festival this year would be the shop up past greyfriars where you watch through the window as the odd person dances about on a floor laced with petals. I was wrong.
Imagine a boyband who can actually sing live. Try.
Imagine a boyband who have talent and stage presence.
Did you say G4? Are you taking the p**s?
You aint even close.

Are they a boyband? Lets see.....
There are six of them, check
They wear the same suit, check
They freely admit to spending an unhealthy amount of time doing their hair (all bar 1) check,
They gyrate around a lot, and fly across the stage on their knees, check
But....
They have no backing tapes or instruments,
They cover songs giving them their own slant
They take the pish out of themselves,
They do all of the above really really well.

For at least the first 5 minutes, I found my brain struggling to catch on. Questions like What noise is coming from which bloke? How do you find out you can do something like that? All whilst smiling madly in shock.
Andy Frost, Darren Days doppleganger, is the beatbox man. I would love to get him round for dinner, or maybe just keep him in a cupboard. Then, after dinner he could jump out to entertain my guests, marking the evening a great success. I get the sense that Kim wants to do more with him than that, as she goes red and schoolgirly when she talks about him.

It is also good to know that there is infact a guy walking the planet who looks more like Harry Hill than Alan does. Colin on the bass, made noises that made my stomach jiggle. He needs a better name though. "Colin" just isn't Mr Loverman enough

Highlights for me were "This Love" and "Nobody Does it Better" but Darren Days solo, straight into Billy Jean was a jaw dropper.

So to sum up...It was different, It was cheesy, It was fun, It was great.

They also have a blog, so they must be good guys eh?

They are on Sunday and Monday night only at the Assembly Rooms. Go see what you think.

Bugger it

2005-08-26T09:33:00.000+01:00

Im well shattered today, and I went to bed early. Why does that happen? This meant I missed Extras, Cath Tate and Absolute Power. AGAIN! And I have only seen two Still Games. Gutted. I have seen all of Lost though, and I like it in a kind off "my god what a shit day lets see if theres something really daft and entertaining on." Love the Stepfather guy, Locke. Alan clocked him right away and knew he'd be a psycho.

Got dull jobs to do but its Friday, and like Monday, I don't think I should bust a gut worrying about it/caring. Yep that promotion is coming, I can smell it.

Isn't the year flying in! Is it only me who gets depressed by that? Must be my age, big 3 0 looming. I have also decided I can't be doing next year what I'm doing this year. Time to get motivated. And loaded. Who are these buggers on the "buy a house" tv programmes same age as me, with £456,000 to spend on a crash pad in london, and £320,000 on a villa in Tuscany. I want to be
"I fancy Rome"
"But we are in Paris!"
"So we are! Then we shall get a taxi" Rich.
How is this possible? If you are rich can you tell me how you did it? Ive worked hard all my life now no help from my friends, Oh Lord wont you buy me a mercedes benz.

A.W.O.L

2005-08-22T18:40:00.000+01:00

So you missed me then eh?
Well... Good.
I have so much to tell and such little energy/brain power to do it with!
No sympathy eh? Cheers.
Ok so I have't written for a wee while because:-

a) I'm Lazy?
b) I forgot I had a blog? or
c) I have worked 14 odd days in a row, whilst having my 2 brothers to stay for almost 3 weeks.

Still no sympathy? Heartless Bastards.

So since I last "blogged",

The restauraunt below me thought it may be fun to smoke in a cupboard, stub it out on a boiler, and start a wee fire,

I have had 2 firemen in my bedroom, (Ahh takes me back. Stunning they were, stunning!), and 5 fire engines outside.

Knicker Swapper, Jodsta and I have taken Martin all over town, and then some, but he wasn't actually there,

Alan Davies really is a wanker,

Inch Hi really is an utter bastard,

I served a pretty darn famous celeb and I have her address and mobile no, and she wasn't particularly pleasant,

I have a new job p/t in a beautiful shop and I get to do windows and play with pretty things,

I saw wee Austin in a fringe thing,

I went to the SpiegalTent with my brother Steven and the rest of the gang and he had a fab time and was lovely all evening,

Saw this band on TV and realised they live in my close,

Got in touch with Wee Ann who isnae sai wee anymore, well until hogmany anyway. She's Keith Cheggars!,

Watched an entire audience leave Stewart Lee's Gig in utter disgust shouting "we want a refund" and "don't go and see Stewart Lee!" You would think the latter statement wouldn't need to be said but hey,

Fallen in love with this hotel,

and this blokes voice, and I told him too!

If you want me to go into more detail on any of these wee snippets of my life, I shall on request.

and the T in the Park article? Lost it. AGAIN.

But I have updated my Flikr foties.

Radio Gaga

2005-08-09T14:44:00.000+01:00

Easiest job in the world???
Radio 1 DJ.
It appears that radio 1 only have 5 singles to choose from between the hours of 9 and 5pm.

I predict a riot
When September ends
That White Stripes one
That Foo Fighters one "THE BEST THE BEST..."
and my particular favourite......
go on guess.....

James effing Blunt and his "You re Beautiful" effort.

Him and Dido should just get married, have weans and populate the world with more mindless pap.
No not pop, I meant pap.

I think hearing these songs repeatedly is making me ill. And that's coming from someone who has endured Roys Music in the Gsc, The Edinburgh Castle giftshop, and the Scottish Show.

"Oh we re no awaw tae bide awaw. No we re no awaw tae leave yeh...."

Happy Days

2005-07-23T11:15:00.000+01:00

Lots of good things are happening!
Alan had 4 gigs with Tam White last week, and I'm sure there will be more.

I am now a published writer. (in Italy, but hey)

Jodi has moved into her first home. Being ever organized, she had everything in place and ice cubes in the freezer within 3 hours.

I'm out learning how to drive again.

Magic Brian is over from Morocco. I know this as he called and left a message just saying he would call later. I rang the no. but it didn't work. I googled the no. and discovered he was in Cardiff. I googled Cardiff-Casablanca and guess what came up? Very cheap flights from Cardiff- to Morocco. So he is obviously on his way to weegie land. As am I, in about an hour!

I am the highest bidder on a tribble.

Martin is making my coffee for a week and Stuart is bringing me biscuits, because I showed them saucy pictures of knicker swapper.

Happy Days indeed.

Getting there

2005-07-19T10:44:00.000+01:00

My face is looking alot better now. My lips are still a bit swollen but i think I quite like it. People are saying I look better than I have in years. Must be the steroids.

You Should See the Other Guy

2005-07-15T00:42:00.000+01:00

So I came back from T with a little more than I bargained for. No I didn't get in a fight. No Alan didn't lamp me one. Its an allergy. To Something. Three doctors and a hospital visit later, that's all I know. Most likely candidates:-
Cleg/Horsefly
Hair Dye (yep, blonde)
Sun
Sun Cream
Lip Salve
I cant remember the other ones. That's because I'm on steroids, painkillers and Zirtek. My heeds mince. I'm completely away with it. Its fun but irritating. Ill probably get an allergy to biro ink because of the amount of things I have written on my hand. So far, I've washed my face with conditioner, looked in the fridge for my fags, left the oven on, called my moby on the house phone to locate it, to discover its in my pocket, and then tried to work out who the missed call was from. The Scottish Show has never been better, and my day job is a challenge.
The worst thing is though, I forgot Roberts Birthday.( I'm scared to write/text you as I dunno what to say, except this is the best excuse ever, but I'm still sorry. Lets get pished soon ok?)
It started with a Leslie Ash lip on Monday morning, I shat it smoked a lot , took antihisitmine and it went down. Only to move to my forehead, then my eyes the next day. This is the 3rd and final day of steroids and I'm deffo on the mend. My friends have enjoyed ripping the pish but I am very grateful because lets face it its pretty funny too. Here are some class new nicknames
Lenny the lion
Lollipop lady (big round sticky head) and my favorite, (ta John)
Puffy the Vampire Sarah.

I think ill offer a secret prize, to the best caption for my photo. Are you up for it? You cant do the following cos I've already thought of them
I went to T in the Park and all I got was this lousy mug
Can you Tell What it is Yet?
Leith Wifey Found Smiling!
Say no to Crack

Get on it, work can wait

T post is "in progress" which basically means I've written 6 A4 pages but I'm sure Ill have about 3 lines that are usable as I did it when I was really out of it at 4 in the morning. Let me assure you though, T was FANTASTIC and I refuse something like a fly that eats shit then sucks my blood and poisions me ruin it.

I apologize if the above post makes no sense ataw but I'm mad wi it n that ken?

High On Sky

2005-07-12T07:58:00.000+01:00

Cabin Fever

2005-07-04T19:08:00.000+01:00

I am still ill. I don't know what mutant virus this is but its had hold of me for a week now, and is threatening to take down Alan next. Rupert Just sneezed (!) I had to take today off too and I am beginning to worry about the crap pay ill get at the end of the month. I am more worried that I am meant to be leaving for T in 4 days. I have planned that weekend to the hilt, Christ I even have an inflatable pillow and battery operated fairy lights, but you can't plan for illness. Bastard.

Being indoors means I have watched a lot of TV, namely live8 and live8 Merica. Shouting at the telly and slagging celebrities always makes me feel better. Dido is pish isn't she??? Who did she shag? The girl has bland written all over her. And how come she got to go to Paris and do her set all over again? I fear that KT Tunstall is going that way too. Bland I mean. I downloaded her album. Dull. Sorry I digress, Paul McCartney, would you ever fuck off. Oh and Bono. don't start me. Coldplay came on and we got to see shots of apple and gwyneth at the front, cheering daddy on. Or not. Apple had a huge ear muff things on. Either she aint a fan she's a lumberjack. Then Chris introduced "the greatest living singer, with the greatest ever song" . Cue Richard Ashcroft with Bitter Suite Symphony. (?) Madonna came on, conservatively dressed, but I've heard that Guy likes her that way and feels she's getting on a bit now for pointy bras and the like. Great Choir. Joss Stone, I do like her voice but her music is shite. I think she could have picked better tunes. She's only a baby she might get there. She did well with the Godfather on Jonathan Ross. Annie Lennox, no dissing she was fab.Travis were fun but like Keane, they were good but I don't feel the need to hear the songs again. Ever. Well, apart from next weekend. Razorlight, I reckon studio wizardry is the key here. I like those singles, but I reckon they were a tad out their faces. The Killers only got one song, so I guess they were ok, but ill decide at T. Scissor Sisters cut it well I think, Elton john and Pete whatsit were pretty amusing although I'm not sure it was meant that way, as was velvet revolver. Robbie had them eating out his hand. As I knew he would. I went to see Robbie once and he really made you feel like he had acknowledged every person there. The Who rocked the joint. Roger was looking not bad at all apart from his jowls. Pink Floyd were good for a bout 2 mins then I lost interest, but that might be the painkillers. On a political note, the Americans did it in a bigger and cornier way, with Will Smith getting every one to click their fingers and cheer. It felt a bit forced, and a bit staged. I have tried several times to watch merica8 so I can see Stevie Wonder but there seems to be reams and reams of shite on and I have never got to the end.
When I was at T last year, they played footage of festivals in years gone by, back when men were men and amps were amps. It made me a bit depressed. I don't see that the festivals of today can come close to the ones my parents got to see. Sound of the 70s was on the other night and me and Alan were in silence watching these fabulous acts one after the other, like Paul Simon, Janice Ian, don McLean. Talent is what they had. And I'm not sure there are many contenders out there today. Hopefully T will prove me wrong.

I have been watching BB. A Bit. My God these people are filthy. Worse than that they are on there hoping to be in playboy or on some crap cable show. I laughed at Anthony saying that he thinks his friend, the hateful Maxwell has a better understanding of "the gays" because he works in Top Shop.

I also watched Finding Neverland. Now I love Johnny Depp, I do, but I really didn't like this film much. I think it looked great, but the script was a little patchy. And a bit long. I was hoping for a good afternoon greet but it never happened.

What does make me greet is Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show is genius, always a sob story always a fab house at the end. So American So Big So Clever. Britain could never build a new house in 7 days. They'd run out of Tetley.

So when I'm old and my grandkids ask, "Gran did you go to G8? Did you help make poverty history?" Ill say no son, I had the flu that week, but I did watch it on telly.

I don't feel myself

2005-06-30T13:28:00.000+01:00

I'm off sick just now. I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I definitely don't feel myself. My neck has disappeared, I have a very different voice and I'm finding it hard to swallow. I did go to the doctors but as my throat has no white bits, no antibiotics. When I woke up this morning I had to brush my lips as they were covered in....ming. I also have fabulously offensive spots on my face and B.O. Please someone cheer me up. I only have 10 days to get better till I go here.

Gallus

2005-06-27T13:26:00.000+01:00

It's Monday. I'm not ready to be back here today. I was having too much fun. Bugger. Went to Weegie Land on Saturday, and came back at 3am this morning. Got the show to do tonight as well. :-( bugger.

On the up side, it was totally worth it. I had a great time, once I had got over the shock of people wishing to converse with me everywhere I went, happy taxi drivers and bubbly bouncers, it was fine.
I know what Jodsters highlight was, but mine was the Canton. I so miss the canton. The Garage was actually quite bearable too. Quite a bit of talent. Eh Jodi? Men in kilts and the like. There was also the poor boy with shaggy a la scooby doo hair. He was standing still but he was very fond of flicking his hair all over the place.It seemed fun at the time to mock him by shadowing his movements. I now have terrible whiplash.
We got in at 5am and I fell asleep in the hall waiting for the loo. This seemed logical to me too. Ill just lie down here for a bit, and then maybe make a cuppa. I said to myself.

It was the end of the West End Festival on Sunday. We went to Gibson Street which was all closed off for the street party and then we lay in Kelvingrove park to recuperate.

Ahh yes when the sun is shining Glasgow is a magic place to be. Sometimes you have to leave for a while to work that out.

Skin Tags

2005-06-24T11:44:00.000+01:00

We were just talking about getting older and how men get hairy ears and noses. I said that my dad has started to worry about his skin tags and that his back is now a forrest of skin tags.
"What are skin tags?" they asked. So I showed them. Now I know why older couples sleep in single beds.

10.07am

2005-06-23T10:06:00.000+01:00

Shit. Its not even 10. 30 yet but I need a fag now. I usually have one at 11am, as lunch is at 1pm so it is exactly in the middle. Im anal about that. I think I should just go for one now. Its not like I'm concentrating on anything else.

Wonderful Women

2005-06-22T17:02:00.000+01:00

I have been asked to join a club for Super Heroes with special powers. Flash Gordon is allowed as he saved every one of us. At first I thought the idea was a bit childish/tragic for a woman of my age and stature but I was then informed that upon joining I receive my tailor made costume. Alan would never forgive me if I passed that up. Wonder woman's boots have yet to be filled so just as I was about to sign up when it hit me. All I need to do is twirl round 3 times....

I went to see Mr+Mrs Smith at the weekend with my bro. It was all fun and a bit daft but I wasn't really paying much attention to the plot. All I could think was shite i fancy her, but I'm a lady!(?)! Brad was pish. He's never really been my type but Angelina is just stupidly sexy. I told alan who said thats ok, I fancy her too! (?) I have been asking other straight women/gay men it seems we are all in agreement. The woman is not of this earth.

I am organizing an evening of man trapping on Saturday night in weegie land. I reckon the costume might help. I have a friend who is in need of some action. I have another who is good at getting it. Combine the two and how can we fail?

My Dah is playing with Freddie King on Sun night in Blackfriars. Not Freddy King as he's a bit.....dead. 9pm. Go. I was thinking how I will have to leave early for the last train to Edinbru when I realized my Dah can bring me home. Jees I'm thick at times.

BackStroke

2005-06-22T11:25:00.000+01:00

I am still grinning ear to ear and humming away at my desk after Monday night. Alan had a gig in the Guilford Arms for their blues festival. I got there late as I had to do the show, but my lift got me there for 10.12pm so I saw almost all of it and it was fabulous. I was feeling sick with nerves at the beginning for them all, as there was a lot of factors that could of resulted in disaster.
Factor 1 - This was their first gig
Factor 2 - They didn't rehearse. At all.
Factor 3 - Alan has never sang in public before, or even in front of me
Factor 4 - The drummer, my dah who is the best there is, and the bass player Jim hadn't met
Factor 5 - They used the house bands PA and kit, not their own

And even after all that they rocked the joint.

The manager said they were the best band yet. There was 3 guys in a corner down the front who spent the entire gig with their jaws open. At the end I told Alan to say hi as all I could see was three £20 notes per wk sat round a table. (Guitar Tuition)
Big thank you to the Guilford, The Medicine Show, Hendersons Newsagents, my dah and last but by no means least the Jimbob (who is in lurve).
Watch this space for future gigs as I am now manager. I've shook on it and everything.
Might change the name "backstroke" though. Its an old Albert Collins tune. Apparently.
Any Suggestions?

I had a threesome and my first taste of muffin last night....

2005-06-15T10:35:00.000+01:00

I had a threesome on msn last night. Knicker Swapper and Goku. Till 3 in the morning. Much hilarity, much slagging and masses of filth. It was a toffee muffin, and god it was good. I will need to eat muffins more often.

show me the way

2005-06-10T10:09:00.000+01:00

I love Tony Christie. I don't hate that song yet, even though leith FM have played it every morning. That's ok. Its quality. The station plays the most random music ever. Its like someone has picked music in the dark . That's good too though. Beats the shite outta Radio 1.

There is a random guy who shouts out his window to me every lunchtime. I've started shouting back. Here's some of his random quotes:-

Random:I'm depressed!!!!
me: join the queue!!!

Random:Gustav Klimt!!!!
me: Salvador Dali!!!

Random: Help Me!!!!!!!!!!
me: sorry I'm on my lunch

Random: Arthur Scargill!!!
Me: Maggie Thatcher!!!

Random:I'm going to spit on you!!!
me: go on then?

Ill let you know if anything more exciting comes out his mouth other than spit. "money for the whisky?" is my favorite Great Junkie St. random. Especially when he gets his gun out.

Such a culturally diverse place Leith.

Meanwhile back in the west, my friend is swapping knickers and worse yet telling people about it.

I am a Bad Person

2005-06-08T11:27:00.000+01:00

Was just checking my hotmail to discover I have missed John and Big Gay Als Birthday. What's the point of getting reminders for things if I don't remember to look. I apologize profusely and publicly guys, I must be punished. Wait, I'm at work with a hangover and no Irn Bru surely that is punishment enough.

Captains log

2005-06-07T11:32:00.000+01:00

Well well I have been a busy wee person. No time for blogging. No siree, I have acquired a new hobby. Its called a life. So a quick recap, lets see what have I been up to. I'll work backwards. Its easier.
Alan came back from his 2 week Ireland tour last night. I'm not sure what they put in Guinness but I like it. I stayed in all weekend as my other job had made me knackered. Must stop painting the town tartan. I did however paint the kitchen and did a grand job of it too.

Kim took me out in a dual control and I was great and I loved it. Hill starts at traffic lights, turns in the road, no problemo. I got up to 60mph and out in the country hairpin bends with the sun shining. Bit like a playstation game really. Then when my lesson came I was utterly shit. Why I dunno. Too cocky maybe? Bugger eh?

The weekend before that I went out with the jodster and found to my great astonishment that people spoke to us. Well the first guy to speak to us was from paisley, but his pals were burgers so maybe his cheerful banter has rubbed off on them. We went to nobles and isobar and compass but not in that order. I am told that's where I was but I was mortal. I also had said paisley short arse in the flat at one point. He just wanted our pizza. That's all he got. We were drunk, not insane. He mentioned he fancied belting the guitars about the living room and then he left. Yeah you can take the guy outta paisley....

Had the worse hangover. I cant drink wife beater and then drink fluorescent shot things and get away with it anymore. The best cure ever? The bagel factory in the station. I just pointed at an eggy bacon thing. It was amazing. I wish they delivered.

What else? Ehmm I hired a supa doopa camera and took pics of the puppy. Ill get them on flikr shortly. If any one asks you to puppysit don't. Give me a wean any day. Far less work.

The work is piling up here so I guess Ill sign off

You Say Sudoku...

2005-05-26T16:41:00.000+01:00

sudoko is annoying me. I cant do it. I dont want to try but some higher force is at work. Probably the same force that made kids need pokemon

Alfonso, me and a million bucks ;-)

2005-05-10T12:31:00.000+01:00

I am shattered cos i stayed up late to watch a double bill of contender. It was great. I was shouting at the T.V. and throwing upper cuts in the air. I have a new blood thirsty passion i think. I even rang the competition thing for 2 tickets to the final in Las Vegas. I'd live with earache for that.
Dont wanna ruin anything for those of you with council telly, you will just have to wait till Friday but its getting interesting!

Port O Leith

2005-05-09T16:39:00.000+01:00

Third time lucky they say. Not so. I went to the Port on Saturday afternoon. I had a few but it wasn't happening. I got the fear. It's a daunting place I think if you know no one. Maybe Its because I went with Alan and we were unapproachable in our coupleness state. The banter seems to be flying down the furthest end of the bar. It gets more Star Wars the lower it goes down though. Then a table of insufferable neds sat down next to me. I gave up. There are blogs full of people merrily downing a pint in the port whilst enjoying some quality banter. Was it the wrong day/time? Should I wear a badge that says talk to me I'm ok? Please advise!

2005-04-26T20:22:00.000+01:00

my side of the pavement

Walking Disorderly

2005-04-26T19:55:00.000+01:00

What is going on with the pedestrians of this town? It seems that Edinburgers have a spatial awareness disorder. I'm not sure how to tackle the problem either. Every time I'm on a pavement I find myself having to walk on the road to get by people. I'm not talking about the town centre either, that's a different pot of kippers entirely. They are foreigners who feel the need to stop suddenly in their tracks to read a map or talk on their mobile. I'm talking about down here in Leith, Great Junction St, Bernard St, The Shore whatever. People just don't seem to move to accommodate you, even when there is loads of space. On Sunday I was going along the shore and I saw a guy coming in my direction on my side of the pavement. I decided I wasn't budging to see what happened. The result was a sore shoulder and an under the breath "mhhuuh" from said bloke. Looks like Ill be using the road for a bit longer.

2005-04-12T16:30:00.000+01:00

My gran smokes 40 a day and shes 93

You could get hit by a bus tomorrow

2005-04-12T16:02:00.000+01:00

Just a wee thank you for my cracking pressie from my pal the Jodester. A pack of alternative fag stcikers, with stuff like smoking makes you look hard or it might never happen. Cant give up now can I? Gave up for 6 months last year, it was easy too, that was the problem. I got all cocky. Thought i could have a "one off" fag. I went straight back to 10 a day. 20 if I'm out. Grr.

Rupert

2005-04-12T03:22:00.000+01:00

Heres a new blog that has go my attention,
Call Me Rupert

Star in South Park!

2005-04-12T00:05:00.000+01:00

A big thank you to Gunnella
I found the South Park link on her Blog. Much time was wasted as you can see. Here it is for you guys www.planearium2.de

2005-04-11T23:18:00.000+01:00

daddy chav

2005-04-11T23:17:00.000+01:00

leith Chav. Nuff said

2005-04-11T23:16:00.000+01:00

This is my better half, al in southpark form. He is a mean guitarist but he likes his tea. Find out more at www.revdoc.com

2005-04-11T23:11:00.000+01:00

me on a good day

Personality Disorder Quiz

2005-04-11T17:14:00.000+01:00

You May Be a Bit Antisocial ...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement.

You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto!

Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences.

But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

2005-03-23T22:06:00.000Z

loverly leith

T and a nice cake

2005-03-23T21:15:00.000Z

Its that time again campers. I'm in an ebay frenzie here. Selling and buying my way into a weekend of drunken debauchery.
Any one got a tent I can borrow? Gonna get those hand warmer things too, and a torch, and a mirror, and a stove. No way can I go all weekend without a cuppa. Might take some food too. One of those picnic table fold away jobs would be great.
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but luxury comes in at £50 for a chemical toilet. Could then also buy a "changing tent" and voila, your very own porta loo, exclusive to club members only. Must remember toilet roll. Forgot last year, won't be making that mistake again.
I neglect to mention that I don't drive. I will be hiking all of that onto the bus. I'm sure my pals will laugh about the amount I take with me, but by the friday night, as they chill in my tent, on my "instantbedsTM" supping freshly brewed tetley with a complimentary kit kat and taking turns of the en suite, Ill tell them all to fuck off so i can get some shut eye.

Champagne and milk?

2005-03-19T00:50:00.000Z

Well thats me officially 29.
Can't say I am too pleased.
One of my presents was a bottle of champagne. Hate the stuff, so I am trying to disguise it with everything thats in the fridge. Its friday night and I find myself out of beer. Whats a girl to do. The man from del monte says no to champers. Its rank. I feel a cuppa coming on. Jees might as well get into the slippers aswell. Was gonna go check out the Port O leith Bar tonight, but the moment left me. Theres always tomorrow. The Leith Market. Just remembered. Might be good?

2005-03-19T00:49:00.000Z

2005-03-19T00:35:00.000Z

lamp post

Billy nae mates

2005-02-07T17:19:00.000Z

Well, ive been in edinburgh since march last year, and i can honestly say i havent found anyone who i would like to have as a pal. Is it me? I think not. It took about 9 months before the people in the "local" shop in my street started a chinwag with me, and about the same for the local boozer to acknowledge the fact that my bloke and myself have been in many times. I guess it takes time and i should join a group or something or god help me, get a hobby. My man is a guitarist so i would have thought it would be easy peasy finding fellow guitar freaks to go boozing with, but maybe not huh? Dont think we have found "the place" where they all go. Hope to god there is a "place". I dont need a best buddy or a soul mate i have them in place thank you, but a pal to go for a pint and a bitch occasionally would be great.
Other than that i think leith is magic. My weegie pals are jealous of my new abode. I dont need to go on about the great improvement etc. Everyone Knows. Im very happy in my wee flat.
New job, new pals, and ill be grand!

bored at work

2005-02-07T16:50:00.000Z

My Goodness!
How many people are reading this at a desk bored as hell like me in their terrible boring job?
This is my first desk job and i cannae whack it! Even when im busy, im bored because i find it so hard to care! Jees, hiting 30 and sitting here wasting hours, weeks months doing this. EEch!
I even get fed up on the internet. How is that possible!

ME Me ME me Me!

2005-02-01T21:54:00.000Z

25 Random facts about ME

1. I was born in Newcastle but moved at 6 months old to Edinburgh say I'm English I'll greet. I moved to Glasgow when I was 14, and moved back to Edinburgh a year ago.

2. I have a cat with one eye called Rupert who hates me.

3. I get ear ache on planes that feels like someone sticking a hot poker down my ear canals. This Limits my ambition to travel the world somewhat and it pisses me off. I have tried Valium but I am still in agony, I just don't give a fuck.

4. I dream of owning a llama. I don't know why, maybe it's their big eyelashes.

5. I have two brothers, Daniel 15 and Steven 19. Dan is a 6ft size 13 shoe surfing camping fishing dude who lives in Devon with my mum and Steven who is a constant nightmare/source of
amusement. He has Aspergers Syndrome and thinks he might be gay. He loves Marilyn Manson and Winnie the Pooh. He's at a college in Newcastle so I see him a lot more these days.

6.I never went to school. Well at least from age 13 to 16. I used to hide in wardrobes when the Truant officer came round. I just hated it. At 16 they asked me to leave so I went to college. Hated that too and my nickname was "shadow"

7. I have been with the same guy for 8 years. I am very lucky. I fancied him for years before that but he didn't know. Till I got pissed and told him.

8. My diet consists of cheese bread ham potatoes broccoli bacon eggs milk cream and pasta. I am not picky, I just have no imagination when it comes to food shopping. I hate fruit, except the ones ending in berry. Strawberry, raspberry, Cadberry...

9. I'm scared of marriage. Most likely because my parents seem to be pretty good at it.
Dad =3 Mum =4

10. I don't get football. I have many friends who do but its just never grabbed me. I don't really like any sport, but I quite like "contender" with sly.

11. Time is not my friend. I'm late all the time but seem to get away with it.

12. I love dawsons crack. I'm far too old to be watching it but there I said it. 5th series box set is out in May and I cannae wait.

13. I hate clubs. I have only been to one club in Edinburgh but it was hateful. The Bongo Club is ok but that's not really a nightclub eh? I hate nightclubs. I once faked an asthma attack to get ushered out of Archaos as quickly as possible. I also don't dance in clubs. Take me to a pub with a great band on or a concert and ill dance all night though. Its just clubs. They are shit.

14. Sting asked my mum out on a date 29 years ago. She declined as she was with my dad and preggars. With me. She said he was a bit of a nerd. How things could have been huh?

15. My dad is a musician. If Carlsberg made drummers they would look like him. Probably the best drummer in Scotland.

16. My mum is a psychic clairvoyant type person. Its a very strange thing. I have witnessed many strange things that I am confused by. I try not to think about it too much.

17. I am doing this at work. I am bored all the time and even when I have work to do I would rather do something else. I need to get another job.

18. I know lots and lots of people but I have a handful of close friends who are important to me. They are all very different and I like that. I have no friends in Edinburgh atall though!

19. I always wanted to work in TV but then when I did an HND in TV I changed my mind. Too many tossers. Now I don't know what I want to do but I have to spend a good percentage of my day doing something creative or I get miserable. Probably because my day job is totally uncreative.

20. I am a left handed piscean. This means I can't cut straight because I'm too busy dreaming.

21. I am learning how to drive. I love it but I just wish I had more cash. Once a week is not enough.

22. I'm crap with money. I would rather go out for steak one night and eat toast for the next week than live on crap dinners and stay in.

23. I worked at an infamous visitor attraction in Glasgow for 3 years. I have many stories that I could do damage with but wouldn't because I actually miss the place. Rosy tint I feel! Hint: Basil Faulty

24. I have lived in Pilton and Granton and survived. I actually preferred them to Siverknowes and Cramond.

25. Music is probably my biggest passion and I would love to be a music critic or journalist. I know what I like and I am always right. Obviously.