Sunday, August 20, 2006

Broke in Leith

Well I am having a pretty shit time of it just now. I am always skint, but my skintness has reached an all time low. Our heads aren't above water, they are 3000ft below sea level, and my feet are stuck in sludge. Between us, Alan and I have three jobs, but are living on toast.

The fact that I now work in a particularly affluent area of Edinburgh only highlights this more. The ladies of leisure I meet reek of money. They shop in Waitrose and have handbags that cost the equivalent to three months of my salary. When I go to the cashline at lunchtime, there is always a woman in front, taking out a massive wad, no doubt to buy more ridiculously priced organic vegetables and a couple of bottles of wine from Peckhams. I don't hate these people, don't get me wrong, I am just sort of confused. I mean what is the score George Doors?

I know that most of my friends are struggling away too, with the daily challenge of how to make dinner for under £1 but I just don't get why. We are nearly middle aged. Why is it such a struggle for us and a picnic set from Harvey Nicks for everyone else? This wasn't in the brochure. Life does indeed suck.

But I do like a challenge.

You know those maths puzzles they gave you at school? A bit like this?

Tamara has a dozen organic apples.

If she gives her neighbours, the Castletons, 6 apples

Will they invite her to their masquerade ball?

It should have been more realistic

Sarah Has £8.68 to last her until Friday.

It costs £2.30 a day to get to work and its only Monday.

She needs toilet roll (0.99p)

Cat Food (0.29p x 3 per day)

Milk 0.99p

And fags £2.70 per day

There are still cuppa soups and some ready meals from last year in the freezer that she hates, but bread would be nice. (0.24p)in LIDL.

How can Sarah last till Friday without selling:-

a) everything she owns on ebay

b) drugs
c) herself?


At 6:07 PM, Blogger alan said...

alan has subbed two hundred pounds from his wages.
Q1, how many benson and hedges will that buy
Q2,do we have enough to drink three
pints each every night in sofis
Q3,if i go to lidil will i remember a loaf
Q4, how many packs of whiskas will rupert consume in a week
Q5, arent cats meant to be self sufficient
Q6,why do women use so much toilet roll
Q7,do you remember texan bars
Q8,where was i there
Q9, just exactly who are scott and co
Q10,why cant i get an overdraught
Q11,why on earth did we move here
Q12,didnt i used to be a contender
Q13,did i have two hundred pounds to sub
Q14,whats it all about alfie !

At 11:47 PM, Anonymous Dundee said...

just a thought

1) Walk to work
2) halve how much you smoke per day.
3) feed the cat scraps instead of proper cat food until you can afford it.
4)only do the toilet at work, save on toilet paper.

Before i forget, if you can raise the £8.50, go and see Back to the Futon in underbelly. Fantastic show. :o)

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Dr Geist said...

1. If you dont feed cats for long enough they will either go hunting or on the scrounge, As Rupert only has one eye he will prob go on the scrounge, and be quite successful as the one eye will up the sympathy factor. just take his collar off, coz then he will look like a stray.

2. walk to work or better yet, relieve some small child of their bicycle. (but not too small a child as then you will look ridiculous on a weeny bike).

3. cut up an old jumper, shirt or similar, and use that as loo roll, just dont flush it or it will bugger up your loo and cost a fortune getting the plumber out thus negating the point of this excercise! also if you wish you can wash and re use and also save the planet thus generating good karma and you will win the lottery

3. dont smoke. u did it once before. will also save your life

4. ditch the dairy, pretend you have gone vegan. or shoplift. if you are good at it you can get bread, milk and catfood all in one go. if not they will put you in jail, and in which case you wont have to worry about food and loo roll as this will be provided courtesy of her majesty, fags will be provided by Big Bertha if you agree to be her "friend" and transport to work wont be an issue as the prison laundry is usually just in the basement.

5.since you wont have spent any money this week you can spend the £8.68 on a ticket to the gig dundee suggests.

6. instead of selling yourself sell your culture. is the festival. edinbugger is full of rich american and japanese tourists. dress up in some tartan, stick a bunnet/guitar case on the ground and sing something "quaint" or recite Burns. youll be raking it in.

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Tony said...

It's no good pleading poverty while you can afford to feed an addiction like smoking ;-)

At 10:13 PM, Blogger Jodi said...

ach, fuck all that shit. just come home and we'll all get through it together. russ has two jobs, he'll keep us all. luv ya x

At 6:09 PM, Blogger sarah said...

So. Yeah. Cheers like.
I think.
I am replying in work cos my phone is cut off. lol

And im now smoking mayfair lights,
but i refuse to use items of clothing to wipe my arse with, and I'm a bit kenneth williams when it comes to public lavs.

Jodes, ill be home soon. lol x

At 4:05 PM, Blogger Jodi said...

Mayfair lights are fine. That's what I smoked.

Oh, and on that note, I have been smoking a bit again. I think it helps me get through the boredom of being skint. And before Emma or Dundee hit me with the 'saving by stopping', it gives you something to do while you are skint. Let's face it, £2 I spend on a pack of fags is hardly gonna get me much out there. Not even a single pint, so .... anyone for as mayfair? ;op

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Jodi said...

I hate getting caught on the internet in work. Don't do it much, but getting caught is pure pants.

At 6:27 PM, Blogger sarah said...

oh no! sorry tell them you were helping a friend in need or something.

At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Peter said...

Sofi's is garbage. Social climbing wankers, and far too dear. Have you seen what they charge for a HALF PINT!

Try the Port o Leith Bar. You can get anything there. Even work.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger sarah said...

You re right Peter, there are lots of wankers there. But thats what i find amusing.
Wanker watching.
But I also fancy a barman, and alan fancies a barmaid, so everyone is happy.
It is also just too easy to go there, its downstairs. 10p more onto there prices and i will switch pubs.
Don't think it will be the port o' though. I'm not really a hit in there. They think I'm CID.

At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Peter said...

You're so close to Stewart my radio co-presenter. He's at that end of the Banana Flats. The first ever drugs I took in Edinburgh were in a Henderson Street flat. Memories...


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