Thursday, June 30, 2005

I don't feel myself

I'm off sick just now. I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I definitely don't feel myself. My neck has disappeared, I have a very different voice and I'm finding it hard to swallow. I did go to the doctors but as my throat has no white bits, no antibiotics. When I woke up this morning I had to brush my lips as they were covered in....ming. I also have fabulously offensive spots on my face and B.O. Please someone cheer me up. I only have 10 days to get better till I go here.

Monday, June 27, 2005


It's Monday. I'm not ready to be back here today. I was having too much fun. Bugger. Went to Weegie Land on Saturday, and came back at 3am this morning. Got the show to do tonight as well. :-( bugger.

On the up side, it was totally worth it. I had a great time, once I had got over the shock of people wishing to converse with me everywhere I went, happy taxi drivers and bubbly bouncers, it was fine.
I know what Jodsters highlight was, but mine was the Canton. I so miss the canton. The Garage was actually quite bearable too. Quite a bit of talent. Eh Jodi? Men in kilts and the like. There was also the poor boy with shaggy a la scooby doo hair. He was standing still but he was very fond of flicking his hair all over the place.It seemed fun at the time to mock him by shadowing his movements. I now have terrible whiplash.
We got in at 5am and I fell asleep in the hall waiting for the loo. This seemed logical to me too. Ill just lie down here for a bit, and then maybe make a cuppa. I said to myself.

It was the end of the West End Festival on Sunday. We went to Gibson Street which was all closed off for the street party and then we lay in Kelvingrove park to recuperate.

Ahh yes when the sun is shining Glasgow is a magic place to be. Sometimes you have to leave for a while to work that out.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Skin Tags

We were just talking about getting older and how men get hairy ears and noses. I said that my dad has started to worry about his skin tags and that his back is now a forrest of skin tags.
"What are skin tags?" they asked. So I showed them. Now I know why older couples sleep in single beds.

Thursday, June 23, 2005


Shit. Its not even 10. 30 yet but I need a fag now. I usually have one at 11am, as lunch is at 1pm so it is exactly in the middle. Im anal about that. I think I should just go for one now. Its not like I'm concentrating on anything else.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wonderful Women

I have been asked to join a club for Super Heroes with special powers. Flash Gordon is allowed as he saved every one of us. At first I thought the idea was a bit childish/tragic for a woman of my age and stature but I was then informed that upon joining I receive my tailor made costume. Alan would never forgive me if I passed that up. Wonder woman's boots have yet to be filled so just as I was about to sign up when it hit me. All I need to do is twirl round 3 times....

I went to see Mr+Mrs Smith at the weekend with my bro. It was all fun and a bit daft but I wasn't really paying much attention to the plot. All I could think was shite i fancy her, but I'm a lady!(?)! Brad was pish. He's never really been my type but Angelina is just stupidly sexy. I told alan who said thats ok, I fancy her too! (?) I have been asking other straight women/gay men it seems we are all in agreement. The woman is not of this earth.

I am organizing an evening of man trapping on Saturday night in weegie land. I reckon the costume might help. I have a friend who is in need of some action. I have another who is good at getting it. Combine the two and how can we fail?

My Dah is playing with Freddie King on Sun night in Blackfriars. Not Freddy King as he's a bit.....dead. 9pm. Go. I was thinking how I will have to leave early for the last train to Edinbru when I realized my Dah can bring me home. Jees I'm thick at times.


I am still grinning ear to ear and humming away at my desk after Monday night. Alan had a gig in the Guilford Arms for their blues festival. I got there late as I had to do the show, but my lift got me there for 10.12pm so I saw almost all of it and it was fabulous. I was feeling sick with nerves at the beginning for them all, as there was a lot of factors that could of resulted in disaster.
Factor 1 - This was their first gig
Factor 2 - They didn't rehearse. At all.
Factor 3 - Alan has never sang in public before, or even in front of me
Factor 4 - The drummer, my dah who is the best there is, and the bass player Jim hadn't met
Factor 5 - They used the house bands PA and kit, not their own

And even after all that they rocked the joint.

The manager said they were the best band yet. There was 3 guys in a corner down the front who spent the entire gig with their jaws open. At the end I told Alan to say hi as all I could see was three £20 notes per wk sat round a table. (Guitar Tuition)
Big thank you to the Guilford, The Medicine Show, Hendersons Newsagents, my dah and last but by no means least the Jimbob (who is in lurve).
Watch this space for future gigs as I am now manager. I've shook on it and everything.
Might change the name "backstroke" though. Its an old Albert Collins tune. Apparently.
Any Suggestions?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I had a threesome and my first taste of muffin last night....

I had a threesome on msn last night. Knicker Swapper and Goku. Till 3 in the morning. Much hilarity, much slagging and masses of filth. It was a toffee muffin, and god it was good. I will need to eat muffins more often.

Friday, June 10, 2005

show me the way

I love Tony Christie. I don't hate that song yet, even though leith FM have played it every morning. That's ok. Its quality. The station plays the most random music ever. Its like someone has picked music in the dark . That's good too though. Beats the shite outta Radio 1.

There is a random guy who shouts out his window to me every lunchtime. I've started shouting back. Here's some of his random quotes:-

Random:I'm depressed!!!!
me: join the queue!!!

Random:Gustav Klimt!!!!
me: Salvador Dali!!!

Random: Help Me!!!!!!!!!!
me: sorry I'm on my lunch

Random: Arthur Scargill!!!
Me: Maggie Thatcher!!!

Random:I'm going to spit on you!!!
me: go on then?

Ill let you know if anything more exciting comes out his mouth other than spit. "money for the whisky?" is my favorite Great Junkie St. random. Especially when he gets his gun out.

Such a culturally diverse place Leith.

Meanwhile back in the west, my friend is swapping knickers and worse yet telling people about it.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I am a Bad Person

Was just checking my hotmail to discover I have missed John and Big Gay Als Birthday. What's the point of getting reminders for things if I don't remember to look. I apologize profusely and publicly guys, I must be punished. Wait, I'm at work with a hangover and no Irn Bru surely that is punishment enough.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Captains log

Well well I have been a busy wee person. No time for blogging. No siree, I have acquired a new hobby. Its called a life. So a quick recap, lets see what have I been up to. I'll work backwards. Its easier.
Alan came back from his 2 week Ireland tour last night. I'm not sure what they put in Guinness but I like it. I stayed in all weekend as my
other job had made me knackered. Must stop painting the town tartan. I did however paint the kitchen and did a grand job of it too.

Kim took me out in a dual control and I was great and I loved it. Hill starts at traffic lights, turns in the road, no problemo. I got up to 60mph and out in the country hairpin bends with the sun shining. Bit like a playstation game really. Then when my lesson came I was utterly shit. Why I dunno. Too cocky maybe? Bugger eh?

The weekend before that I went out with the jodster and found to my great astonishment that people spoke to us. Well the first guy to speak to us was from paisley, but his pals were burgers so maybe his cheerful banter has rubbed off on them. We went to nobles and isobar and compass but not in that order. I am told that's where I was but I was mortal. I also had said paisley short arse in the flat at one point. He just wanted our pizza. That's all he got. We were drunk, not insane. He mentioned he fancied belting the guitars about the living room and then he left. Yeah you can take the guy outta paisley....

Had the worse hangover. I cant drink wife beater and then drink fluorescent shot things and get away with it anymore. The best cure ever? The bagel factory in the station. I just pointed at an eggy bacon thing. It was amazing. I wish they delivered.

What else? Ehmm I hired a supa doopa camera and took pics of the puppy. Ill get them on flikr shortly. If any one asks you to puppysit don't. Give me a wean any day. Far less work.

The work is piling up here so I guess Ill sign off